Literally five minutes after I wrote my failure post last night, I was watching a how-to video about installing a light fixture and decided to try one last thing we hadn't tried. And look what happened!
It works after all! Jonny and I are successful engineers! And it looks great - these wimpy iPhone photos don't do it justice. If you want to hire me to install a light fixture in your house, I'm there. Actually, just kidding. I hated doing this, and I got super grumpy with Jonny while we were trying to figure it out. I am really pleased with the result, though, and I'm proud that we were able to make it work.